


Lenny Valentine.  1-10/10.  drabbles

by punky_96



Series: Fodder Verse [2]
Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Lenny is in love with Emily, Valentine Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 23:37:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10774848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/pseuds/punky_96
Summary: Ficlets based on Valentines and RomCom Film cliches. They were created for Valentines 2014.Crack!Fic in case you are not familiar with Bruce and Lenny already.(Fics are being transferred over here as is.  If you didn't like the fic the first time, then you won't like it now.)





	Lenny Valentine.  1-10/10.  drabbles

  
_**Lenny Valentine. 1-10/10.**_  
  
 _ **1\. A Rose By Any Other Name**_. (585 words)  
  
Bruce sighed and looked around. They had been heading down a perfectly good downtown street with great shadowy corners for victims. He had just spotted a likely group and turned to see what Lenny made of them, when he realized that he had lost his little buddy. Well, lost was always true and buddy was a stretch, but over the last several months, Bruce had come to accept his punishment of Lenny by choosing to view him as a little brother that he never wanted. They say that attitude is everything, so Bruce had tried, really tried, to get the guy on the right track. He knew how the silver fox felt when she mourned that she was, ‘surrounded by incompetence.’  
  
It had not been a total loss after all. Lenny did respond well to direct training methods and Bruce had minored in Torture when he majored in Fodder. Flexing his claw-paws, Bruce thought that it might be nice to get out the electrodes—once he found his little buddy that was.  
  
Turning to face the terrain they had just traversed, Bruce inhaled hoping to get a clue as to the smelly whereabouts of his companion.  
  
Baby’s breath and roses permeated the air and Bruce sneezed his disgust. The humans would be in a mating frenzy for the next molting period slipping off in couplets and the occasional triplet to fornicate instead of keeping to the Rules of Fodder. He had better collect Lenny and get a good meal before they brought out the foil balloons and Special Valentines Menus that specially multiplied the prices by three.  
  
Hopping up onto the counter next to Lenny gave the shopkeeper a fright, but really once she had seen Lenny in all of his glory, what was she expecting? Roses? Bruce would have cracked himself up, if he hadn’t been so disgusted. Looking over Lenny’s shoulder, Bruce was presented with further evidence of his mental condition—a dozen fairly stale looking red roses and a florist’s card with, “A rose by any other name…” scrawled in Lenny’s Toe Writing. “Just wot are you doin’?” He thundered into Lenny’s ear causing him to snap the pencil in half.  
  
Lenny turned pink tinged eyes at his gruff and grumbly partner. Cupid had shot him good and Bruce had a mind to file a complaint about that—this boy-monster had enough troubles without that kind of treatment.  
  
“Who’s that for then, eh?” Bruce scowled at Lenny as he motioned toward the Valentines paraphernalia.  
  
As if he was breathing in a drug, Lenny inhaled and sent a cute little bird around his head chirping. “Emily.” He sighed as if nothing else mattered in the world. Truly if the birds flying out of his head were any indication—maybe there wasn’t actually anything else in that cranium of his.  
  
“Yer English Rose?” Bruce crossed his arms over his chest. There was no denying it that Lenny had it bad. That red head might just be the death of him after all. Lenny nodded at him and leaned closer with a hopeful look. “Well, you can’t write that tripe.” Bruce said as he took the card and ripped it in half. Sliding the roses back across the counter to the startled shopkeeper, he added, “And get rid of those stale roses. Your girl needs an orchid.” Looking at the shopkeeper instead of his wayward charge, Bruce suggested, “Dragon’s Breath, I should think.” When the florist gaped at him, he added, “She’s a red head.”  
  
 _ **2\. Sweets For Your Sweetie.**_ (766 words) chocolates of NYC: <http://newyork.cbslocal.com/top-lists/best-chocolate-in-new-york/>    (I used a detail from the Mast Brothers description.  I love the paper they have on the chocolates!)  
  
“Look. That one.” Lenny’s body vibrated from excitement.  
  
Bruce let the binoculars he had been looking through settle against his chest on the blue neck strap that Lenny had picked up for him from that feast of musicians they had happened upon the previous week. He took in the direction and approximate location, nodding his head as he inspected the group. One of each, good health, unsuspecting—then Bruce saw the man slightly to the back left of the group. “Are you that stupid?” Bruce turned to Lenny disgust coloring his countenance. After holding his eyes steady on the youngster, Bruce returned to his perusal of the farther distance with his binoculars.  
  
Lenny sighed dramatic and pathetic and full of sincerity.  
  
Bruce literally felt him deflate behind him, but stoically kept looking to the middle distance. If they wanted dinner instead of a midnight snack, then they needed to find a sound group of fodder to pursue.  
  
“What’s wrong with that one, Bruce?” The older monster could hear Lenny’s ears drooping and could imagine him biting his lip not to cry. When there was no response from Bruce’s back, Lenny shuffled over. “All genders was there, Bruce.” Lenny’s voice lilted up plaintively and he kept going to make sure that he covered everything. “Main racial categories, age groups, and flavors were all there.” Bruce could tell that Lenny was counting the Fodder Details on his fingers like he always did so he wouldn’t forget. As much as Lenny liked a good beating; he liked the pleasures that getting things right with Bruce could bring him even better.  
  
Bruce let the pause hang between them until it was pregnant with unspoken meaning that Lenny just didn’t grasp. At length Bruce quietly told him. “You wanted that one for those awful chocolates, didn’t you?”  
  
In the silence that fell between them, Lenny looked back toward where the fodder was slowly making its way further and further from their tree top hunting hide. He had wanted the sweets for his sweetie, but he couldn’t understand why they had to let a perfectly good dinner walk away. “But the fodder was still good.” He knew that Bruce wasn’t going to budge, but he had to try.  
  
“If we’re hunting for chocolate,” Bruce rumbled in his deep accented voice. “Then we’re hunting for the best.” He turned a looked at Lenny in a disapproving way that he had not employed in many months against Lenny. Bruce swallowed the feeling that despite his best efforts this youngster really would take 300 years with him to be ready to go out on his own. Teaching at the academy would have been far easier than this—at least the students didn’t go home with you and ruin your dinners. “Come on, let’s get this settled then.”  
  
Lenny was left gaping as his mentor swooped down like he was on a hunt. He could not quite believe it, but it seemed that Bruce was leading him towards chocolates for the red head with the fire inside. No, it seemed that Bruce was leading him towards the best chocolates in town for his English rose. Either that, or he’d finally kill him. Lenny shuddered as he recalled the look on Bruce’s face of dejection and disgust that he hadn’t seen in a very long time. “Oh, well. He’d be putting me out of my misery anyway, right?” Lenny observed with grim humor as he swooped out of the treetop to follow his fast moving mentor.  
  
Having passed plenty of Fodder and even a few chocolatiers, Lenny was terribly confused as they came to a stop on 3rd Street in Brooklyn. “You brought me to Brooklyn?” He asked his mentor as his brow furrowed.  
  
“What’s that kid’s movie about the chocolate house?” Bruce fixed Lenny with a look that dared for him to deny knowing.  
  
Scratching his head, Lenny thought he understood the reference so he tried, “Johnny Depp?”  
  
Nodding, Bruce turned Lenny around to face the storefront. “In there is your golden ticket, my boy.” Lenny stared hopelessly at his mentor. “You need something that will delight her tongue and trigger her fetish for things in the dark.” He patted Lenny on the back and gave him a knowing look. Lenny wasn’t sure what he was supposed to know, but he knew that it was a knowing look all the same. He just hoped there was at least one more bread-crumb in Bruce’s trail of instruction. “Come on.” Bruce indicated as he crossed the street.  
  
Lenny followed like the lost puppy he knew he still was.  
  
  
 _ **3\. Chocolate Flavored Love Notes. (724 words)**_  
  
Scampering into the Starbucks across from the workplace of the silver fox, Lenny scanned the crowd. When he could not find his mentor by sight, he closed his eyes and inhaled. Over the top of the ground beans and whipping cream, Lenny caught the odor of malice and malcontent that signified his hunting companion. Following his nose, Lenny slipped through the crowded coffee shop amused that at this hour his presence didn’t even raise any eyebrows. Lenny wasn’t sure if Bruce even knew how to type, but he seemed to have commandeered a laptop. Sliding over a chair, Lenny stood on it so that he could see what his reptilian friend was up to.  
  
Eyes widening as he took in the M&Ms website, the custom color selections, the heart clip art, and the message, ‘You have my heart,’ Lenny felt a swirl of emotions threatening to over take him. Tears pricked the back of his eyes while his claws slid out razor sharp. Poking a hole in the screen as he tapped against it, Lenny’s broken voice questioned his mentor, even though his ears could not bear to hear the answer, “How could you?” He inhaled a shaking breath as Bruce turned to look at him, eyebrows raised in confusion. “You wanted ‘er for yourself all this time.” He poked against Bruce’ chest once and then knowing he’d cause more of a scene than this hour could handle, Lenny jumped down from the chair and slipped off into the night.  
  
Heart pounding in his chest like his feet against the ground, Lenny wished for a full moon and the pull of being a Lycan. Then at least he could understand the madness that had over taken him.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
Scooping up the heap of monster, Bruce shook his head. He really wasn’t sure why he hadn’t requested a tour in hell instead of dealing with this youngster. Every time he thought that they were making progress, the kid’s brain would short circuit. It wasn’t until he saw the door close after the misguided monster and he returned to the computer screen that he realized what the crazy talk had been about. With a sigh, he printed out the concept, thankful that the young lady he had mesmerized also had a portable printer. He slipped a rather large wad of money into the girl’s computer bag and then returned her wits to her.  
  
He had hunted then, but found his dinner dissatisfying. Cursing the youngster’s foolishness, Bruce had set out to discover Lenny’s sulking place and talk to him. He had not expected to find him on the far edge of the park from their usual haunt having cried himself to sleep next to a homeless encampment. Thankfully he had not roused and Bruce was able to deposit him in their tree top perch.  
  
“Whaaa?” Lenny blinked his painful eyes and looked bewildered at Bruce.  
  
The older monster waited for it and saw the shift in the youngster’s body language when the memory kicked in. “Yah were sleepin’ with the homeless, Lenny. Even you know better than ‘at.” He nodded at him demanding that Lenny agreed with this judgment, which he did. “Ya ran outta there with the wrong impression.” Bruce shook his head, before he continued. “I don’t know how you do that, but you’ve gotta stop.” Bruce pulled the folded paper from his pocket and then sighed. “What were you going to get her next, lad?” He raised his eyebrows in query and then shook his head. “I was trying to help you from writing some useless tripe again.” Unfolding the paper, he motioned to it as he held it out. “I read this suggestion somewhere and thought you might like it.” Heading to the edge of their perch, Bruce held an outer branch before he concluded. “I don’t want your fiery red head.” Smiling sadly he admitted, “If I were to go for a human, it’d be that silver fox, don’t you think?” When Lenny opened his mouth to apologize for jumping to conclusions and running off, Bruce shook his head. Pointing toward the other side of their space, he added, “I saved you a leg, if you get hungry later.” Then he swung his body to the next branch and the next until he was on the ground and gone.  
  
  
  
 _ **4\. Love Poetry: There’s An App For That. (550 words)**_  
  
Bruce finished cleaning his teeth as he watched the moonrise. They had taken to hunting early, so that Lenny could go and try to find his inner romantic. Bruce didn’t mind the quiet evenings, although a tiny part of him missed Lenny just a little. A few days ago Lenny had finally fixed him with that sincere little monster gaze that reflected the moon so completely that Bruce had to relent. The youngster at last had pleaded, “Let me do this. I have to learn, right?” Seeing Bruce beginning to stiffen and pull away, Lenny had reached out with his reptilian claws to still him. “I’ll still want to run the final plan past you, you know.” Again with the look—Bruce could not argue or be hurt by it either and he really wanted to be, which just lead to self-frustration.  
  
Lenny had come back an hour prior, but he had said very little. The tiny screen of the glowing device lit up their treetop penthouse and Lenny’s chortles of amusement and groans of frustration brought a rare soundtrack to the night. Eventually, Lenny had sidled up next to Bruce, the delight pouring off of him in waves. He showed Bruce the screen, but was waved off with a gruff (though interested), “Just read it.”  
  
 _The thrill of the hunt has gone cold  
Nothing stirs my heart like you  
I’d give up eating human, truth be told,  
If it would prove my feelings true  
Forgive me, if I’m too bold  
  
Without you, my heart would rot  
I’d have to dig my grave  
Say you love me, instead of not  
Come on, love, be brave  
I’m sweet as often as not_  
  
Bruce’s jaw would have dropped except that he had already girded his loins for whatever the Sap Fairy had poured on Lenny this time. He had vowed to give the youngster space and encouragement. Apparently there was now an App of Sap, for Lenny had just read him a love poem generated on the tiny glowing screen of Satan. If he had an eyebrow, Bruce would have raised it like the silver fox. Instead, Bruce coughed a little and then patted Lenny on the back. “You have such a sweetness, Lenny.” He did his best to keep a straight face, but failed horribly. His words were sincere, even if they didn’t outright tell Lenny that poetry of that sort wouldn’t steal the heart of the red fire breather.  
  
Smiling happily, Lenny returned to his App of Sap. “You can save your poems in a gallery for later!” He pointed at the screen and then shook the app to see what words would come up as new poem starters. “Oooooo.” He cooed at the tiny screen of Satan as he began to dress the heart on his proverbial sleeve.  
  
Bruce looked up to the moon wondering just how bad the fall out was going to be when Valentines finally came and then went over like a lead balloon. As much as he wanted to see the red head’s reaction, Bruce wished there was a way for the silver fox to school Lenny. If that little monster thought he was tough, then he had not been paying attention to the silver fox in all their time stalking her group of fashionistas.  
  
  
 _ **5\. Mood Music. (726 words)**_  
  
Watching the twin dragons playing in the yard with their furry beast, Bruce considered that he never would have picked this life for his future. He had always been a traveler, killing on the go, while scaring the other things that went bump in the night. He wasn’t sure whether to blame or to thank the combination of factors that had led to the presence of Lenny in his life and the zombie epidemic that impacted the fodder population. Somehow, the traveler had become some kind of life coach, found himself in one city for over a year, and playing demonic shepherd to a small group of fodder that he had to admit that he didn’t want anyone else to eat.  
  
Lenny dropped down over the fence quietly and Bruce inwardly smiled that his protégé had at least picked up a little bit of grace in the last year. Slow as molasses to learn didn’t mean no learning at all. When the twins and their domestic slobber factory went inside, the reptilian demons slipped forward to watch inside the house.  
  
The duckling-swan with the brown hair set out plates on the table along with a small centerpiece of flowers and some wax sculptures. Something smelled good from the kitchen and she had to shoo the youngsters out and up the back stairs before they stole any. Lowering the lights as she returned to her tasks, the brunette hummed a little. The radio turned on and Bruce recognized the twins’ latest obsession blasting loud enough to vibrate the windows. Then it switched to the brunette’s favorite and the silver fox’s favorite in turn. Smiling the younger female checked the time and made another lap around the kitchen and dining area. The only light left in the kitchen glowed over the food from the range. The dishtowel returned to its doweling signified the end of the tidying up.  
  
“What’s she doin?” Lenny whispered as the duckling-swan slipped up the back stairs as well.  
  
Bruce tapped Lenny near his ear hole and wisely responded, “Mood music for the ears.” Motioning toward the table he said, “The wax will be set on fire to augment the light to create a romantic atmosphere.” Turning to get a better view of the kitchen stove, he added, “And food to warm the taste buds.”  
  
The doorbell rang and the twins thundered down the steps dragging their rolling suitcases down each step with a thud. The duckling-swan followed bare foot, though dressed in a small dress that accented her more swanlike features. Kissing the smaller fodder on the cheek she told them to have a good time and call at bedtime. They nodded and waited for her to open the door. Bruce and Lenny heard the quiet tones just outside the front door and part of them wanted to rush around to see the silver fox, but they knew she was coming inside.  
  
Realization dawning slowly on Lenny, he grabbed Bruce’ arm. “Is it already the day? Did I miss it?”  
  
Turning to cuff the youngster on the head, Bruce scolded him. “You are the dumbest thing ever. I should have let the zombies get you.”  
  
Pointing inside where they could see the silver fox biting at her swan’s neck, Lenny whisper shouted, “But that’s Valentine’s behavior!”  
  
Swinging out sideways again, Bruce smiled with grim satisfaction as he heard the air leave Lenny’s lungs. “Valentine’s as you know is on a Wednesday this year and the fox has a work thing. Many humans celebrate twice. They really like this holiday. This is the weekend and with the twins at their father’s they can enjoy it in a different way than with all the glitz and glam on Wednesday at the work party.”  
  
Lenny’s silence surprised Bruce and so he turned to him to check if he was all right. He was a pale as a reptile could become and that’s when Bruce realized that in a way, Lenny had missed it. The red headed fire breather would be a work just like the silver fox.  
  
Patting him on the shoulder, Bruce soothed him the best he could. “Established couples can celebrate early. You have not ensnared the little red one yet, so you must use the actual day to woo her.”  
  
Deflating with a sigh, Lenny nodded his thanks to weak to verbalize them.  
  
  
  
 _ **6\. DIY Massage. (472 words)**_ This one’s a little dark and twisty with the Halloween humor-ish.  
  
Dinner had finished an hour and a half ago and Bruce couldn’t understand what was taking Lenny so long with stashing the leftovers. It wasn’t like he hadn’t done this hundreds of times before and not just in his times with Bruce, but even as a youngster. All demonesque families had some kind of tradition when it came to dealing with remains. Sighing, Bruce swung himself out of their treetop perch that had become suspiciously like a home since the whole zombie epidemic went through the human population. He had to go see what trouble his protégé had gotten himself into this time.  
  
They had taken a small group of fodder near the Alice in Wonderland statues so Bruce headed in that direction. It was always easiest to stash near the kill site instead of lugging the leftovers anywhere. Besides the humans were touchy enough just seeing them around town, let alone with a leg in tow.  
  
Laid out face down in the moonlight a female body thanked whatever twisted creator made up this universe for being dead as Lenny tried to work massage oil into her flesh. Bruce came to a stop facing the scene and put his paws on his hips. As Lenny turned from what was likely one of those Do-It-Yourself books next to the body, Bruce had had enough, “What are you doin’, Lenny?” He raised his voice to ward off Lenny’s next move.  
  
“M-m-m-massage.” Lenny squeaked and held his hands in the air as if Bruce were mugging him.  
  
Pointing a clawed phalange at the younger demon, Bruce scolded him. “I said I’d give you freedom to figure this Valentine’s thing out.” He moved closer until he was standing directly opposite of Lenny over the corpse. “That doesn’t mean you can devolve into total idiocy.” He rolled the words out so that they shook Lenny from the earholes all the way into his innards. “You might get the girl.” He flashed his claws in the moonlight at Lenny before continuing, “Decide right now if you intend to make a meal of her or not.” Pointing down at the mangled body, Bruce leaned even closer to Lenny over it and concluded, “Because we are not made for massage, Lenny. We are made for murder. If you get the girl and you want to keep the fodder alive—then no massage. Got it?!”  
  
His tone made it more of an order than a question, but Lenny still nodded and mumbled out. “Yes, sir.”  
  
Poking Lenny with his claw, Bruce stepped away his countenance conveying any disgust his tone hadn’t made clear yet. “Now that you’ve ruined it, dispose of this one instead of putting her with the leftovers.” With that he leapt for the nearest tree and scrambled away into the night leaving a dejected Lenny in his wake.  
  
  
 _ **7\. Jewelry. (832 words)**_ Gotta say I was just gonna write the 100 word version of this and then I felt bad b/c it would be the shortest here and the others are all 500+…. Then it ends up being the most words so far! Lol.  
  
Lenny had told him that he had hit the jackpot, that he had found Valentine’s gold, and that he was sure that Bruce would be proud of him this time. He looked so sincere and positively shaking with excitement that Bruce had nodded his head and agreed to stash the leftovers this time. Lenny said he’d meet him in the treetop in an hour and he scampered off scaring a group of single dads with strollers skirting the edge of the park. Bruce just laughed those guys were already scared and seeing Lenny would no doubt set them back for months in therapy. He almost wanted to go and apologize to them, then he thought of the last time he had apologized for Lenny’s behavior and shook his head again. That was the first night they had met the red haired temptress.  
  
Bruce had to admit that she had handled herself well at that time as well as all the other times they had come into direct contact with her or spied on her. The only time that Bruce refused to give the woman points, was that time when she shot her monster gun at him through the windshield out there in Nowheresville.  
  
Making his way back to the treetop, Bruce contented himself with the sounds of the night closing in around the city. Office lights turned off, businesses closed up shop, and the ne’er do wells, serials, and other creatures of the night came out to play. With the moon getting closer to full in the ramp up to the great human tradition of Valentine’s Day, Bruce thought that it would definitely be one to remember.  
  
He didn’t want to give Lenny false hope, but that red head seemed like the type who’d just love to have someone like Lenny around to bite those that ailed her. He could imagine Lenny proudly wearing a collar and perhaps a red leather studded leash. Maybe that little human could keep Lenny in line better than Bruce did? He’d have to make sure she was square on the rules of fodder, but he had no doubts that Lenny would be well fed in her care.  
  
Truth was that Bruce didn’t know what he’d do without Lenny at this point. He just hadn’t quite travelled full circle in his own mind yet. Without Lenny he’d have no reason to stay, yet no real reason to go other than habit. He’d have to really sit down and decide or admit who or what was important to him and why he had never stayed this long in one place before.  
  
On the other hand, Bruce had to be honest and prepare for the other side of the coin come Valentine’s night. If that blonde on those legs had put as much or more effort into her Woo Plan, then he wasn’t sure Lenny stood a chance. He had ugly and helpless points going for him as well as, ‘I can bite anyone you want’, however he wasn’t sure that Lenny could rock the red head’s world in the back of the SUV like that blonde did that one night when she had just been ‘so damn horny.’ Bruce smiled—that had been a good night with lots of fresh kills.  
  
Lenny quietly hopped up onto the make shift platform they had developed and sat down next to Bruce as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Bruce wasn’t fooled for one minute, but it was as adorable as a reptilian slimy demonesque creature could be. Bruce wondered if he should be kind and ask what his new idea was or if he should make Lenny squirm and have to bring it up on his own.  
  
A bit of both happened as Bruce turned to Lenny who had just pulled a blue and white little gift bag from his far side and let it dangle on the end of his claws. “Ta dah!” He sort of warbled.  
  
“Tiffany’s?” Bruce nodded with an approving purse to his lips as he reached for the bag. “You just might hit this one out of the park after all, young man.” Lifting the small box from within the tissue paper, Bruce looked up to get Lenny’s permission before he proceeded. At Lenny’s nod, Bruce flipped the lid open and let out a low whistle. Sharing a long look, Bruce peeked down at the sparkle nestled inside the box once more and then closed the lid and replaced it in its tissued home. Facing Lenny and putting one paw claw on his shoulder, Bruce intently told his protégé, “I am proud of you, Lenny. Quite proud.”  
  
Lenny couldn’t help himself, tears were gathering in his eyes, so he leaned forward crushing Bruce in an un-demonly hug. It was easier than sharing the tenderness that had crept in between them.  
  
“Go write her a poem to do that justice.” Voice thick with emotion, Bruce pushed Lenny away with a job to do.  
  
  
  
 _ **8\. A Little Light Reading.**_ (573 words) Yes, that is a real book and, yes, that is a real quote. I did not write that.  
  
Swinging himself up onto the platform, he supposed they called home, Bruce took in the presence and posture of his so-called roommate. Resting, very much not like a demonesque reptile ever should, on his stomach, Lenny was propped on his elbows reading. Even as Bruce landed solidly on the flat surface, Lenny merely turned the page avidly devouring the words on the page. “You’ve got two days and you decide to take up the love of literature?” Bruce asked as he stared down at his once again disappointing protégé.  
  
“Hmmm.” Was all the reply that Lenny gave him as he folded down the corner of a page and then flipped it letting his claw slip carefully along the page so as to not damage it.  
  
Rolling his eyes at the rare show of finesse in the youngster, Bruce wished he would apply that to some of their other more properly monster-like pursuits. Swooping down in a much more graceful and swift motion than Lenny would have thought Bruce capable of, the book was swept up into the mentor’s paws. “Romance for Dummies.” He mused as he flipped to the cover of the book. Then raising the ridge that would have been where his eyebrows went, Bruce continued in a voice that indicated a long lost name from the past was making a come back, “By Dr. Ruth Westheimer?” Pulling the book farther up and out of Lenny’s reach, Bruce took a step backwards as he opened the book to Lenny’s place. “Of course, having sex is more common place than hurling yourself through a window. In fact, there are probably a million or so people engaging in this pleasurable pursuit somewhere in the world as you read this page.” Bruce sighed and held the book in one hand to his side as he looked down at Lenny. “Getting a bit ahead of yourself or you?” He fixed the youngster with his mean look and waited until Lenny visibly withered. “Get the girl, right? That’s the first mission.” Bruce flung the book out into the treetop where it flapped and flopped in a dance with gravity that disturbed squirrels and birds alike. “Keep the fodder alive by not massaging it, or whatever.” He gestured in a vague way that indicated he really didn’t want to know what it was Lenny had been trying to accomplish the other day. “I been trying not to smash your dreams here, Lenny. I have, I really have been trying.” Bruce shook his head sadly. “You aren’t gonna have that Hollywood rom-com relationship. She is not that kind of heroine and you are not that kinda guy, I gotta tell ya.” Bruce motioned for Lenny to get up off the floor. “Hey, she might go all for ya, I’m not saying she’s not, but it’d be like a Cleopatra and a slave, ya know what I mean? And you might like that just fine, so it’s all good.” Putting his finger in Lenny’s chest he fixed him with a look that meant there would be no discussion later. “No Dr. Ruth for you.”  
  
Down below some guy was wonked on the head by a falling book. In his frustration he grabbed at the object fully prepared to end its life, when he read the title and sighed. Looking up toward the heavens above, the man hugged the book to his chest and walked on with renewed purpose and hope.  
  
  
 _ **9\. Setting the Scene. (796 words)**_  
  
As Bruce hauled the leg up in his mouth so that his hands were free, he wondered whether he should have even bothered to bring the youngster back anything. Likely he’d be too keyed up to eat anything. Bruce wasn’t sure if this would be the first day of the rest of Lenny’s life or Armageddon. He liked to hope that Lenny hadn’t put his love in a spot that would never grow, but he couldn’t honestly contribute to getting Lenny’s hopes up either. Spitting the leg down onto the deck with a thud, Bruce took in the state of his young companion and then looked skywards to check the time. The work event for their favorite fodder had started an hour ago and Lenny needed to get a move on if he truly wanted a chance to find out what the fair maiden’s reaction would be. Bruce tilted his head at his protégé as he considered that perhaps Lenny was psyching himself out and would stall so that he missed this year and would try again next year. As much as Bruce didn’t want the little guy to get hurt, he also didn’t want to have to go through this again.  
  
“What are you doing? Wasting time on the big day?” Bruce stepped closer to Lenny forcing him to stop his pacing.  
  
Sighing, Lenny held out his yellow notepad to Bruce. “I don’t think I can do this.” He whispered sadly.  
  
Looking down at the list Bruce smiled at the list and the various comments, cross-outs and check-marks decorating the page. It was like a piece of organizing art all on its own and Bruce’s mouth turned up into a smile despite his downward demon mouth.  
  
 _ ** ~~Flowers~~.** Don’t be stupid; roses are out. Dragon’s Breath Orchid._ ✓  
 _ **Chocolates.** No heart shapes. No crap. Mast Brothers Origin Collection Chocolates_. ✓  
 _ **Poetry**. There’s an app for that!!!!! Oh, I love this. Bruce rolled his eyes_. ✔  GOT IT!!!  
 _ **Mood Music** —cd for hanging out_ ✔  
 _ ~~ **Dinner For Two**~~ —she doesn’t seem to eat and it will be late after work_ ✗  
 _ ~~ **Massage**~~ —No massage. I have claws_. ✖  
 _ **Jewelry** —home run according to Bruce. DO NOT FORGET_. ✔  
 _ ~~ **Reading**~~ —maybe some other time_ ✗  
  
“Looks like you’re ready, Lenny.” Bruce looked up from the list and held it up to him as a salute. “You’ve got a special note here for the poem, what’ve you got then?” Bruce pointed to it on the list and smiled encouragingly at his nervous companion.  
  
Pulling a piece of fine heavy paper from what must be The Valentines Box, Lenny held it out to Bruce. “Got one of those art kids from the school there to do it on the nice paper here.”  
  
Bruce smiled as he looked down and read Lenny’s choice of poetic creation. He could just imagine how frightened the art student would have been as Lenny dropped down enthusiastically waving paper and talking about love poetry. Nodding as he read through the poem he had heard more than ten times already, Bruce was glad that he had gone with the one that he had suggested as his best. Lenny was no Elizabeth Barrett Browning, but neither was the red head the usual girl. “Very nice.” He rolled the paper back the way Lenny had it and handed it back to Lenny. Coming over to the box, Bruce peered inside. Pulling up a silver metallic disc with black marker on it, Bruce turned inquisitive eyes on the lovesick monster by his side. “And this?”  
  
Shrugging slightly, Lenny’s body kind of sank as if he had been caught doing the wrong thing once more. “Mood music.” He muttered. Bruce let the silence draw out between them, but kept hold of the disc, knowing that Lenny would come clean about it’s story if he just waited long enough. “I took it from the silver fox and her swanling.” He looked up into Bruce’s face and then offered, “Well, they didn’t need it. They have the whole thing covered already.”  
  
With a sniff, Bruce let the disc slip back into the box. Spying the Tiffany box inside and remembering the diamond and sapphire drop earrings, necklace and bracelet that were simple while still being shiny and elegant enough for the haughty woman Lenny had his eye on. “Well, then.” He looked up at the youngster impatiently. “What are you waiting for?”  
  
Jumping to the authoritative tone, Lenny straightened up, adjusted his awkward tie and nodded back at Bruce. “Right. I was just going.” Lenny said as he scooped up the box in one clawed arm and swung himself down the branches with the other.  
  
Bruce shook his head wondering if he should try to nap now or just wait it out and hope for the best.  
  
  
 _ **10\. The Reveal. (910 words)**_  
  
Watching from the window ledge, Lenny took in the appearance of the red headed dragon as she exited the ugly yellow taxi. The red hues of her gown fluttered and danced as she moved under the streetlight. Pieces of her hair had fallen from the graceful updo to frame her face in the yellow glow. Lenny’s heart beat double time in his chest, until he saw her mascara had run down her cheeks in lines of sorrow. His jaw dropping at the heartbreaking sight, Lenny hovered on the edge of the window torn between wanting to comfort and rage at whoever had upset his favorite fodder.  
  
Turning as he heard the key in the lock, Lenny took up his position on the dining room chair turned to face the front door. The orchid rested on the table behind him. He had fanned the chocolates out next to it. The music had been on repeat since his arrival at a moderate volume, in order to set the scene but not over power the interaction. He held the poetry scroll in his hands concentrating on not crushing it in his claws. The little blue box rested at his feet just out of sight.  
  
Stepping just into the room, the red head’s jaw dropped open as she took in the facts of her apartment having been invaded by the little beasty she had seen occasionally since the first time he lunged at her nearly two years ago. Narrowing her eyes at him as she continued into the living room, the red head set her things down and wiped at her eyes. “I suppose you’re here to kill me.” The red head sighed as she approached closer to the euphoric eyed beasty on her dining room chair.  
  
Lenny shook his head at her words and then held out the scroll of poetry. Words were failing him more than usual and he was truly thankful he had taken the time to have that art student transcribe his feelings.  
  
“Don’t move.” She hissed at him as she moved to one of the other chairs at the table. He nodded and only turned to watch her as she settled in and unfurled the scroll.  
  
The young monster knew that each moment he continued to behave that it was a moment closer to possible success. He knew that it only took a moment for her to reject him, however he took comfort in the fact that she hadn’t ordered him out right from the first, nor had she attempted to call for help. She had at least accepted his presence, if not his love.  
  
For many long moments the red head regarded him with sad blue eyes. “You’re not here to kill me. You’re here to woo me.” The woman of his dreams tilted her head in contemplation as she eyed the various items on her table.  
  
Holding out his trump card, Lenny finally found his words, “I’ve loved you since I saw you.”  
  
Gazing into his eyes, the red head seemed to search for his sincerity. “You’ve been around since that first night, haven’t you?” She appeared to consider all the things that had happened in the last year and a half.  
  
Setting the small package on the table, Lenny dared to hop up onto it and step closer. “I know I can’t be your human valentine, however I am loyal and I could hurt those who hurt you.” Peering closer to look intently into the red head’s eyes, Lenny whispered, “Did the blonde one make you sad? I could arrange a not very nice surprise for her.” Lenny dared to trail a claw slowly and carefully down the red head’s cheek, before he pulled back and stepped away to stand next to the dragon’s breath orchid.  
  
Blinking her eyes in recognition of what he was offering, the red head seemed to slowly fill with joy. “You would come to work with me?” She smiled with a wicked gleam in her eye.  
  
“I could be the teeth of your bite, when you have to be all bark.” Lenny offered with a bow.  
  
Taking his tie between her fingers, the red head pulled him closer until she could stroke her hand across the top of his head. “You scared me when I first saw you, however I admit that I did want to tame you even then.” Looking again at the orchid and the chocolates, the red head smiled. She didn’t know the name of the flower, just that it was unusual and had required thought. She did know those chocolates—Miranda had some sent to Andrea once months ago. “After the zombie epidemic, I thought I’d lost my monster angel, but then I saw you at the compound.” Taking the small-unopened box into her hands, the red head looked at Lenny. “You can be my champion and I will be your lady.” Narrowing her eyes at him as he squirmed with joy, she added tersely, “No interfering with the human valentines though, yes?”  
  
Bowing once more, Lenny assured her. “Only on your command, lady.”  
  
Opening the little box of joy, the red head squealed as she saw the diamond and sapphire drop earrings and necklace. Looking back up at her little monster, she gave him a radiant smile, “I’ve just the perfect red leather collar for you.” Before Lenny could object she had scooped him up into a hug and spun him around until he was dizzy.  
  
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Hope you enjoyed all of these ☺  
  
 __ **FIN.**  
  
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